Thursday, April 9, 2015

I'm the weirdo... I get it.

Have you ever noticed that making new friends as an adult is harder than dating?  Don't lie either.  I've struggled with this a LOT in my adult life.

With dating, it's easy... see someone interesting, have a conversation, and then ask them to hang out sometime. There is NO hidden context here. Hi.. I like you.. let's date. WHY is friendship so much harder.

I'm really good with casual friendships. People at work, church, moms I see etc. It's super easy to just chat when you're around each other, make friends on Facebook, and then say goodbye. This friends is where most of my social interactions end.

I have been fortunate enough to come across several people in my life who sort of just imprinted themselves to me. These are my kind of people. They don't give you the option of saying no.. they are in your life... they know you're friends.. and they take that assumed role of lead friend. These are the same friends that you NEVER have to worry about making small talk with because they know how to talk and open up like you've known each other your entire lives. THESE ARE SO MY PEOPLE.

One of my top fears (besides public speaking) is small talk. I hate it!! I just don't thrive there, and I can guarantee you this... try it on me. I'll fumble and tumble all around and you will wonder how on earth I have any friends at all. This is where I fail on the getting from "casual friends" to "let's hang out and be real friends" part. 

It goes like this.... "So umm.. did you watch ummm, crap I don't watch very much TV"... "Read anything lately?.... Oh ummm no? ummm.. *crickets are chirping... sweat is DRIPPING off of my head* "OK, well I'm going to go (fill in the blank here.. it DOESN'T even matter) I'm so strangled by anxiety.

So... all of this rambling to say. I suck at Friendships. I suck at going from knowing each other to being "friends".. and for those of you who managed to get past my awkward weirdness and love me anyway... I thank GOD for you daily!!

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

A little anniversary post

Today, I celebrate my 8 year anniversary with my husband. 8 years. It doesn't seem like a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. In fact, 8 years isn't a lot of time. Life can change in an instant though. 8 years of "life changing" instants make it easy to look back and see just how far we have come together as a couple.

With multiple "homes", cars, and jobs... we keep managing to grow together. I have no fantasy that my marriage is PERFECT.. (Does that even exist? How boring!!), but I do know that after 8 years... we have a good, solid, loving marriage. A marriage that takes constant work and communication to keep alive. A marriage that inspires others to inquire as to how we do it. A marriage that I am PROUD to be living out for my children to see. A marriage that I KNOW is held together in the loving arms of Jesus.

We aren't in this alone. I can look back over our 8 years and tell you clearly how many of those years we tried to do it alone and in our own power. I can tell you that they didn't go well. I can also tell you which years we leaned on Him the most. Trusting Him, waiting on His word for our life, believing that He would guide us and keep us where we needed to be. I'll tell you... and so will my kids. Those years with Him at the driver's seat, have been the best.

Marriage is hard. It doesn't have to be impossible though.

I'm eternally grateful for the man that God placed in my life for this journey. He's an amazing father, husband, and an incredible friend.  I'm excited to see where our next adventure takes us.


Friday, January 23, 2015

The Music Man

When I was in college, I went through a rough patch.

Like, most kids who think they have it all figured out... college is rough. You start shaping your mind into who you are, aside from your parents and peers influence. Friendships are ended, relationships turn sour, and for some, like me... you find yourself set adrift among the stormy waters of life.

For the most part, I was a good kid. I didn't really drink, I never did drugs, and I wasn't promiscuous. I DID however carry a burden that weighed me down. I spent a lot of time caring what other people thought of me... and as a kid.. trying to become an adult this caused tension. My soul ached, my friendships suffered, and I spent a good majority of time trying to please all of the wrong people, for all of the wrong reasons. I.WAS.STUCK

This mentality left me quite lonely at one point. I knew who I shouldn't spend time with, I had burned a lot of the good bridges I had, and I just needed to hit the reset button.

One friendship I maintained during this time... afforded me exactly that.

With open arms, and an open door this friend was there for me. We spent more nights than I can remember finding the "perfect songs" to fit my mood. All night marathons listening to music, cleansing my inner soul, finding out who I was THROUGH music, is what helped me with my "reset" button, and to this friend I am more thankful than they will ever know.

Thank you Music Man, for being my friend when I really needed one the most. I know I could never return that favor, but I pray for you consistently and hope that some day you come to know the greatest gift of all... The Love and Grace of Jesus Christ. I harped on it then.. and I hope that little seed grows for you some day.