I'm the weirdo... I get it.

Have you ever noticed that making new friends as an adult is harder than dating?  Don't lie either.  I've struggled with this a LOT in my adult life.

With dating, it's easy... see someone interesting, have a conversation, and then ask them to hang out sometime. There is NO hidden context here. Hi.. I like you.. let's date. WHY is friendship so much harder.

I'm really good with casual friendships. People at work, church, moms I see etc. It's super easy to just chat when you're around each other, make friends on Facebook, and then say goodbye. This friends is where most of my social interactions end.

I have been fortunate enough to come across several people in my life who sort of just imprinted themselves to me. These are my kind of people. They don't give you the option of saying no.. they are in your life... they know you're friends.. and they take that assumed role of lead friend. These are the same friends that you NEVER have to worry about making small talk with because they know how to talk and open up like you've known each other your entire lives. THESE ARE SO MY PEOPLE.

One of my top fears (besides public speaking) is small talk. I hate it!! I just don't thrive there, and I can guarantee you this... try it on me. I'll fumble and tumble all around and you will wonder how on earth I have any friends at all. This is where I fail on the getting from "casual friends" to "let's hang out and be real friends" part. 


It goes like this.... "So umm.. did you watch ummm, crap I don't watch very much TV"... "Read anything lately?.... Oh ummm no? ummm.. *crickets are chirping... sweat is DRIPPING off of my head* "OK, well I'm going to go (fill in the blank here.. it DOESN'T even matter) I'm so strangled by anxiety.

So... all of this rambling to say. I suck at Friendships. I suck at going from knowing each other to being "friends".. and for those of you who managed to get past my awkward weirdness and love me anyway... I thank GOD for you daily!!

A little anniversary post

Today, I celebrate my 8 year anniversary with my husband. 8 years. It doesn't seem like a lot of time in the grand scheme of things. In fact, 8 years isn't a lot of time. Life can change in an instant though. 8 years of "life changing" instants make it easy to look back and see just how far we have come together as a couple.

With multiple "homes", cars, and jobs... we keep managing to grow together. I have no fantasy that my marriage is PERFECT.. (Does that even exist? How boring!!), but I do know that after 8 years... we have a good, solid, loving marriage. A marriage that takes constant work and communication to keep alive. A marriage that inspires others to inquire as to how we do it. A marriage that I am PROUD to be living out for my children to see. A marriage that I KNOW is held together in the loving arms of Jesus.

We aren't in this alone. I can look back over our 8 years and tell you clearly how many of those years we tried to do it alone and in our own power. I can tell you that they didn't go well. I can also tell you which years we leaned on Him the most. Trusting Him, waiting on His word for our life, believing that He would guide us and keep us where we needed to be. I'll tell you... and so will my kids. Those years with Him at the driver's seat, have been the best.

Marriage is hard. It doesn't have to be impossible though.

I'm eternally grateful for the man that God placed in my life for this journey. He's an amazing father, husband, and an incredible friend.  I'm excited to see where our next adventure takes us.

Loves!!
Howmp!!

The Music Man

When I was in college, I went through a rough patch.

Like, most kids who think they have it all figured out... college is rough. You start shaping your mind into who you are, aside from your parents and peers influence. Friendships are ended, relationships turn sour, and for some, like me... you find yourself set adrift among the stormy waters of life.

For the most part, I was a good kid. I didn't really drink, I never did drugs, and I wasn't promiscuous. I DID however carry a burden that weighed me down. I spent a lot of time caring what other people thought of me... and as a kid.. trying to become an adult this caused tension. My soul ached, my friendships suffered, and I spent a good majority of time trying to please all of the wrong people, for all of the wrong reasons. I.WAS.STUCK

This mentality left me quite lonely at one point. I knew who I shouldn't spend time with, I had burned a lot of the good bridges I had, and I just needed to hit the reset button.

One friendship I maintained during this time... afforded me exactly that.

With open arms, and an open door this friend was there for me. We spent more nights than I can remember finding the "perfect songs" to fit my mood. All night marathons listening to music, cleansing my inner soul, finding out who I was THROUGH music, is what helped me with my "reset" button, and to this friend I am more thankful than they will ever know.

Thank you Music Man, for being my friend when I really needed one the most. I know I could never return that favor, but I pray for you consistently and hope that some day you come to know the greatest gift of all... The Love and Grace of Jesus Christ. I harped on it then.. and I hope that little seed grows for you some day.

To the High school teacher...

In high school I had a lot of great teachers. So many who taught me history, math, english.. all while I groaned about this "learning" thing.

There is one teacher that so bravely taught me an amazing lesson...

During finals (or midterms.. whatever they are called back then) the class was coming to a close and this teacher got up and began telling us our goodbye's before the Christmas break. At first, I thought he was just going to say have fun, be safe, Merry Christmas... But he did SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. This man, this teacher got up in front of the class and began sharing a testimony of his faith. I was already a believer in Christ at that point, but his words were so sincere so incredibly well spoken that they stuck with me. He risked a job in a public school system to share his Faith in Christ with a bunch of rowdy teen-age kids and I admired that more than he will ever know.

I have no idea where this teacher is now, or what he is doing, but I hope someday to let him know the impact he made on my life through that one day.

I am thankful today that he was my teacher, and I got to experience some of his kindness. 

Thankful

It's November... I've noticed a trend on Facebook. During the month of November people tend to post something that they are thankful for everyday. I love this, and have participated in it in the past. I feel though, that a lot of people tend to put "family, spouse, children, etc".. Of COURSE.. those are wonderful things to be thankful for.

For me this year, I felt a twinge to re-direct my "Thankful list"... I felt like I needed to dig deeper. I feel called to recall past persons/events that I am thankful for.

There are teachers, friends from the past, that I feel shaped who I am today. There are moments in my life that have been impacted because of these relationships. Many people come into our lives, or fade away because of time or busy schedules, but the feelings you had around them, the impact they made, doesn't quickly fade. So I think I'll start there.

I won't be doing a blog everyday (as it's the 10th of the month and I haven't even done 1) but I want to do a few to help recall how the past came come forward with us.

Encourage

As part of our Life Group exercise a few weeks ago, our group all shared their "word" for 2014. We all picked out a word that described something that God was putting on our heart to put our focus on for the year.

My word for 2014: Encourage

I was sort of taken back by this word at first, but the more I began to focus on it... the more perfect it was for me.

I often worry that I don't have the right strengths, talents, hobbies, to be of use to people. I can't sing. I'm not creative. My athletic ability died when I was 16.... you get the point.

But... this word. Perfect. While I may not have a special gift to offer people, I can offer this.. words. I can choose to build up or tear down people by simply opening my mouth.

I can be the cheerleader for the person running the marathon, I can help build up a mom who's having a hard time with the kiddos, I can tell someone when they say or do something that speaks to me in a profound way.... I can encourage people to continue on... to be great... to survive.

"24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:24-25

My goal this year is to live that out in the people around me... There's enough negative in the world. I can make a difference by putting a little positive encouragement out there.

What's your word?

Twice in 1 week

So after spending the first day of 2014 feeling crummy and hanging out with my sick little girl... only a few days later I was hit with some weird stomach virus. Not cool immune system. The kicker... I barfed up a meal that I was LOOKING FORWARD to digesting for several days.

Sorry Mahogany... you're officially on my "do not consume" list for a while. Bummer huh? That food was AMAZING going down... not so much coming back up.

BUT... with two illnesses in less than a week... I feel like I've spent the better part of 2014 playing "catch up".

My dining room is covered in a Christmas explosion awaiting boxes and a trip to the attic, my office at work is filled with stacks, my office at home.. stacks.

I'm still praying about what my word, verse, and thought for 2014 are  going to be.. stay tuned for more information about those in a future blog.

Deep breath-- I.Can.Do.This.